i have been in america lately and tried its Various cuisine’s here is my review
wendys
what i had: four for $4 burger and lemonade.
what i thought: this is the same as mcdonalds but there is a smiling girl! the guy who invented wendys was called somethng else so who is wendy. Food apparaition?
rating: 3/5. food was boring but mysterious girl warmed my heart
cook out
what i had: hot dog and shake
what i thought: holy shit. also milkshakes in america are like, solid ice cream. i was expecting nesquik
rating: 5/5. the hot dog was nauseating but cost a dollar and the cashier liked toys
steak n shake
what i had: you can only have burgers and shakes from this restaurant so thats what i got baby!! when in roam!! hasta la vista!!
what i thought: siri didnt know how to get there so we got lost on the highway at 1am. WOOPS!!! thats the american life
rating: 4/5. tasted like i was dying, but pleasantly
cracker barrel
what i had: friday fish fry up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what i thought: there was lots of old people in this restaurant. the waitress avoided me because my nails were painted. this is a well documented phenomneom but biscuits are definitely something different in this country than my country
rating: 2/5. scary torture cabin
costco
what i had: piza slice
what i thought: i know this isnt technicaly a restaurant but drinks were 50 cents so it gets an honorable mention. there was a crate of mayonnaise but i didnt try that.
rating: ???/5. costcos most precious secrets are lost to us all
chipotle
what i had: burrito. do they make other things?
what i thought: the logo is a chilli pepper but there werent actually any chilli peppers you could have in the food? i enjoyed the dainty red basket
rating: 3/5. guess burritos just always taste good, no matter what theyre made of. i think the chipotle burritos were made using some kind of food product but im not sure.
sonic drive thru
what i had: loaded chilli cheese dog’ fourht of july baby!! happy star wars day
what i thought: very inconceivable. there is a sit in a drive in and a drive thru and the sonic drive thru person comes over to your car in roller skates. its a made up cartoon store. it doesnt exist
rating: 5/5. we spent 20 minutes googling if you tip at sonic and in the end we drove off so my guilt prevents me from assessing it poorly
taco bell
what i had: it only sells tacos in like threes so i got three tacos.
what i thought: its like a dorito with a leaf stapled to it. why is it called taco bell? also, who am i, inside?
rating: 4/5. i flung six tacos in the microwave when we got back and i enjoyed watching them roll over each other playfully - made me think of my childhood and the political conspiracy around my birth.
sheetz
what i had: chicken nuggets at 2am
what i thought: it was interesting that about half of the items on the interactive menu ended with a ‘z’ rather than an s. while that was fun - i would not go so far as to say i died at sheetz but i certainly did not leave it in one piece due to the colossal spinning death blade embedded into the milkshake machine
rating: 5/5. ordering entirely through a little touchpad is a natural progression in a society of unwholesome, evil food production and distribution
my kind or content
Please read this whole thing because it only escalates the food related nonsense
This one time at work, I was training someone and the system froze so I decided to have some small talk and I asked her if she had any kids or anything (she was older) and she started crying. She asked me if it was cool if she went to take a walk to get some air and I told her okay because I mean what was I supposed to say? Anyways, she came back clearly still upset and told me that her husband left her for one of her daughters.
After that, I kept all my conversations strictly work related.
now listen to me young man, i am talking directly into your ear now. i need you to do me a favor. you will do this for me. i need you to go to gamestop, and i need you to ask the bastard working the counter if they have bambi on the ps2. if you come back empty handed youll be in big trouble mister. you will never see the light of day.
